Reminisce..

I can't help myself..

I can't help myself from reminiscing..

I can't help myself from reminiscing about you..

I can't help myself from reminiscing about you and me..

Old memories, old times.. Remains as fresh and as vivid as ever.

Though I wish sometimes, it wasn't that vivid. 

Cause I only wish to turn back time..

And live that vivid memory again, just once more (:

Amy is

going through a really hard time..

Without you.

Everyday is a Rainy Day. I miss you.

This picture is SO SO relevant to me right now.
Without you it's rainy everyday, literally and physically.
So please come here, and bring the sunshine with you. The one you have inside you.
The kind of sunshine only you can bring. The one that is powerful enough to BLOW away all the clouds and dry up all the raindrops that make me so cold.
Then you'll bring romantic wind instead of the current wind that makes me feel so chilly and my hair messy(cause if you were here, you'd say 'aiyer, amy ah, your hair').




I'm the BLUE color wan..

When loneliness eats you.

Here comes the bitter part.
When life itself starts eating you from the inside out.

I don't know which is worse. Me being sick or me feeling lonely late at night when there's no one to share my time with plus the part when I can't sleep despite how tired I am.

I have to say the part when I feel really lonely is partly my fault because for some strange reason,
I have become this creep who loves spending time in her room just doing things that I can't even define what I'm doing. While my friends are having fun outside socializing and getting closer to their acquaintances, I would be in my room, doing the undefined.
I remember when I used to be roommates with Yuen Yu. Life was different. She made me become this freak who would talk non-stop. Okay, she didn't change me but she's a good listener so yeah, I could babble about almost anything and she would just nod and of cause slot in some of her own opinions, which are usually more logical than mine.

Life was awesome last year, I had to say I didn't have the time to feel down or alone. I had many caring people around me and I could share my thoughts, ideologies and love with them.

I wonder what's gotten into me. I rarely step out of my room besides having to do the necessary. I rarely talk during breakfast, lunch or dinner. I don't bug anyone during the night. I would just stay in my room, happily and sometimes not-so-happily.

I think I should go down town one day and get somemore story books to cheer me up. Grr, why la I so emo. . . . WHY? WHY? WHY???

Okay, I just got to remain focused on the main reason I'm actually here..

Heaven knows what the future holds, or at least where the story goes..

I am still struggling to accept facts that I cannot comprehend.

How things can change so significantly just because of a few decisions that seemed so insignificant at first.
How my thinking can change, how people around me can change.
How things that were meant to be the same can change out of a sudden without any form of warning.
How I look at things.

I really don't know what the future holds for me.

Love is waiting by Brooke Fraser (:

In the autumn on the ground,
between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well

I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

It's my caution not the cold
there's no other hand that i would rather hold
the climate changes, I'm singing for the strangers about you
don't keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
the bets are getting surer now that you're my man
I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart

I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

I wana time travel~ like Hiro Nakamura. LOL

I WANT TO REWIND! Rewind back to where everything just started. This song lar(Heaven-DJ Sammy), make me so EMO.. Why must things change so fast? Now everything is different and no longer the way I wished it would be. Let's rewind time..

Heaven by DJ Sammy Oh, thinking about all our younger years, There was only you and me, We were young and wild and free. Now nothing can take you away from me. We've been down that road before, But that's over now. You keep me coming back for more.

Hey..

I miss you..

Searching for the definition within.

I have been searching deep within me for the definition of love.
After looking, searching and exploring the feelings inside of me, I managed to
define what's within me.


Love is you and me.....

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?

This is a part from Brandy's song ' Have you ever? '. It's such a lovely and emo song.

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
That's the chorus by the way. When you love someone, you're placing yourself in a position to get hurt, let down, torn apart and even to feel the emptiness.

I'm not saying loving someone brings all bad, in fact, being loved in return while loving someone can be the most rewarding and awesome thing that can happen to you.

I've placed myself in that position to be hurt, let down, torn apart, feel the emptiness BUT, I have also been loved, loved and loved in return.

When you love someone, you also want to be close to that person. Want to be surrounded by that person's warmth and presence..

Right now, I'm missing your presence and warmth that surrounds me when we spend time together. I want to be close to you. Can't wait to see you!

love,
*~amy~*
xoxo

Sweeties.

You know, life is like a long long path and you're walking along that path to reach your destiny. Destiny is shaped and molded by oneself while walking along that path of life. As usual, your walk will not be one long road that has one beginning and one type of ending. It can be easily deviated by a small turning you decide to take in that path. Sometimes bumpy, sometimes winding, sometimes you feel like you're flying instead of walking..

As most of you know, I decided to home school after my PMR and sat for my O Levels at the end of the year. I then continued my studies at Disted-Stamford in Penang to do a 1 yr Pre-U (A-Levels).

Here are some pictures of the people that walked side by side with me during this bumpy road. We carried each other along the way by merely saying ' Good luck ' or ' Study hard '.. Maybe even a nice sweet smile to encourage each other day by day.



After leaving my darling schoolmates in Convent after PMR, I'm beginning to really miss their presence. I have been buddies with them since primary school and we know each other really well from the inside out. I can tell most of their idiosyncrasies. I really miss those days when we got scolding from teacher together cause we didn't sweep the floor clean enough or we had the same answers for our homework *winkswinks*.

I wonder if they missed me too during form4 and form5? *puppydog eyes*..

I was talking to Sui Aing a short while ago and she sent me some pictures of their last week in Convent as a secondary school student. I somehow wished I was in the pictures too! I miss those days when we took pictures in all the craziest positions. We even took pictures under the rain! Oh ya, not forgetting all the obscene stuff we did too (pictures unavailable, haha). We could do those stuff cause it's an all girls school. So who cares? ' I got, she also got mah '. I remember tha phrase we used to say to each other when one of us was too shy to do the obsceneties. Okay la, not that obscene lar, but still inappropriate.

(left -> right : Jo Yee and Jessica)
(up : Jessie Saw, down :Sui Aing)
(Left->Right: Gessie, Jessie, Sunshine,Natasha,Chermaine,Yvonne)


Wherever I'm going to next, I really wish I could have more time to spend with all my sweethearts in secondary school and college.. Even an extra month would make me happy enough. Time flies, please don't let out friendship fly in separate ways too. Though we may be thousands of miles apart, our hearts must always unite kay?

Kiddy days were fun days..

'Dear God, please make me, BIG-ger!'
'Dear God, pwwweeesssee make me older faster. Then I can venture out and explore this world'.

Those were my prayers about 7-10 years ago. I always wanted to be bigger, both literally and figuratively. I wanted to be free! I wanted the freedom to do anything I want. Believing that the grass always looks and IS greener on the other side, I can now conclude that, the 'greener' grass has wilted when I've finally reached there'. Hehe.
When I've finally reached where I longed to be years ago, I want to go back and rewind my wish which would be, ' God, can you make time pass slower so that I can always be Your lil sweetheart? '



When I was young, my most significant worry was mummy's angry face when I did something terribly wrong (such as, eating more sweets than I should, climbing up a tree-tarzan-ish, I know and using too much soap to blow bubbles while bathing. )

Right now, there are so many worries bugging me. From studies, to University applications to friendship problems..

I wish I could go back to my safety zone ( my parents tender loving arms ). Though they still shower me with more love than I can demand for, it's different. Taking even one step to greater freedom demands so much energy and sacrifices.

I love where I am right now. I love my sweetheart, my family and my friends but somehow, I miss those carefree days.

Now that I'm already here, I just want to say I heart you to ALL the significant and gorgeous people who have painted my life to make it into such a complicating yet interesting piece of art.
I am who I am because of those who took the courage and time to pick up that paintbrush and painted my life with all the beautiful cccoooollllooouuurrrssssss !

Khas untuk doink-ku.

The handsome guy in the pic above and below is my brother.
This post is specially for him as I'm busy counting down to the day he returns to Malaysia.




Time flies! One moment, I was giving my brother a goodbye hug and kiss when he went off to NZ. Next thing I knew, time grew wings and flew really fast and now he's coming back!

Okay, I'm exaggerating, I had my emo moments and missed my brother and wish time didn't have to fly but could be teleported. I don't have to be emo any more cause next year, if everything goes according to plan, I'll be with him! I can eat his cooked food (try finding a brother who can cook better than his sister-haha-) and we can go jogging. Plus, I can bug him anytime I want even if it's during all the queer hours. He's 100% bugg-a-ble.

Right now, he's coming back and my family will be complete! It has been rather quiet without him and sometimes without me :( .
When he comes back, he can piggy back me. So i don't have to walk when I'm lazy. (I sould like some evil-step-sister than popped out from The Cinderella Story- YIKES, just that I'm prettier kay? *winks)
Besides that, he can entertain me with any type of crap you can imagine.
AND, we can eat cheese and oilives together! No one likes that combination, only this bro and sis..


Dear bro,
Remember, I want Chocolates! Loads of them. Since we're going to exercise alot, we might as well eat alot also (: .
I want jellybeans too, and marshmelows. Those colorful ones :D
Besides that, I was thinking, you can try something more dramatic like maybe catching a little cute lamb and smuggling it back Malaysia for us. ehe.. Thanks! (hugs)
With love,
Your sister, ME! xoxo

Grrr.. Why lar..

Life just isn't a love story, right?

The closest I can get to being Cinderella would be.. in my imagination..
Though I have perhaps the greatest guy, my Cinderella Story scene is beyond my reach. Why?
Cause they all end up with happily ever afters. No couple will get their happily ever after because though you may be happy everyday, it's not a perfectly happy everyday.

I've been so emo lately I can't even begin to describe myself! grrr.
I better stop talking before my emoness is transmitted to you via internet!

For my only

Here I am, staring blankly at my screen.
Trying to find a reason to smile.
No matter how much I cry, how much I try to convince myself I'm tough,
I just fall apart.

Here I am, reminiscing.
Trying to find a reason to let you go.
No matter how hard I try, the past we had was too amazing to be merely 'the past'.
I just feel lost.

Here I am, staring at your picture.
Trying to find a flaw in your features.
No matter how hard I try, I find myself falling for you all over again.
I'm missing you.

Here I am, typing frantically on my keyboard.
Trying to forget you.
No matter how fast I type, your image appears so vividly in my mind.
I can't live without you.

p/s: I love you. Always have, always will.

Leona Lewis- Better in time

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: x2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time


i never thought or imagined it could hurt like this..

LOVE

You have to agree with me, everyone loves to be loved.




Love represents a range of emotions and experiences related to the senses of affection and sexual attraction. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.
(the above was quoted from wikipedia)

Love is something that no one can completely define but in my opinion,
the best definition of love is from the Bible. A verse I'm trying my very best to live by.
It goes,

1st Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


Love is a not merely a feeling but a series of actions. (action speaks louder than words).

I know I'm not perfect neither will I ever be. So tolerate me while I work on trying to inculcate that definition of love into my life =) I LOVE YOU!

A master piece by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown~

For my fellow friends who have been reading my blog, I'm sorry for not updating.
Days have been tough and scary sometimes.
For everyone out there who is having a hard time, may it be bad results, a break up, an argument with your loved one or anything.. Keep pressing on cause the sun will shine in your life soon =)

This song goes to the one person that means everything to me.
(though you probably don't read my blog)

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air
Oh

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus:]
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus]

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No more
It's no air, no air

[Chorus x2]

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

amy is emo-ing~

Emo Emo Emo Emo..

One of the shortest word yet the most frequent word or feeling that cross my mind~

Heaven HelP!

You cut me open and I..

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love.

That song kept playing in my head today ..

Don't be silent, cause I miss you.